Your emotions can hinder you or help you.
They hinder you when they control you.
One sideways glance from a teenager can cause you to lose your cool. One roll of the eyes from a parent can break our child’s trust. One angry adult outburst can undo a day of patience and control with toddler.
Whether you are on the receiving or delivering end, uncontrolled emotions can derail the best of intentions.
The best tool I know to help you manage the space between an emotional trigger and your response is the Meta-Moment. This 6-step research based process developed by the team at the Yale Centre for Emotional Intelligence is a versatile tool that can be used in a variety of every day situations that overwhelm and stress you out.
Here’s how to stay in control
When something happens to trigger strong emotions first you need to SENSE or recognise what’s happened. Your thoughts, your physiology and your behaviour will change so it's important to recognise these changes.
It’s vital that you STOP and take some big belly breaths to calm down rather than react impulsively. Acting impulsively allows your emotions to govern your behaviour. So often this leads to regrets. Step away from what’s upsetting you if necessary.
Form a picture of your BEST SELF as a parent to motivate you to stay calm. This is the secret to staying calm when emotions overwhelm you. Are you at your parenting Best when you're patient, loving, caring, nurturant? If so, recalling your best self will help you move from emotion to cognition.
Choose a STRATEGY such as positive self-talk or positive re-appraisal to change your initial emotional response.
Then calmly implement a SOLUTION to the situation. Make sure your response is governed by your values rather than your emotions.
The Meta-moment helps you stay in control rather than be overwhelmed by strong emotions such as anger, frustration and anxiousness.
It’s a wonderful tool that will help you and your children to gain mastery of your lives.
Our next online course –Parent well with the Meta-Moment – will teach you everything you need to know to master this wonderful process. Find out more at Parentingideasclub.com.au
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