The Meta-Moment is a research based 6-step process for prolonging and managing the space between a trigger and a response their helps people respond to their emotions with their ideal self in mind and gain mastery over their own lives.
What is a trigger event?
An emotion is a response that gets us ready to take action when something happens. Emotions arise due to how we appraise external events – such as someone saying something nasty; or how we appraise internal events- such as you remember a stressful event. These appraisals are known as triggers. They signal that something we value is at stake.
How will I feel when I master the Meta-moment?
The Meta-Moment is high level emotional intelligence skill so depending on your experience, it may take some time for you to master. But once you do you’ll find that you’ll get a new found confidence that comes from having mastery over your emotions, which will increase your effectiveness in all areas of your life.
How can a Meta-Moment help me be a better parent?
A Meta-Moment is a tool that you can use to not only help be in control of your emotions but to put your best foot forward under pressure. We all know how we want to parent our kids when they aren’t around. But when we are in the hurly burly of every day parenting life and we meet with difficult situations whether it’s children’s resistance to our quite reasonable requests or trying to get some cooperation around the crazy hour of dinner time, we know how we’d like to react but our emotions overwhelm us and we are let down by our lack of control. It’s those times when the Meta-Moment process comes to the fore.
How can I quickly get through six steps of the Meta-Moment?
There are six steps to the Meta-moment process so it’s natural to think how can you get so much done in a few seconds. At the start going through the processes may feel a little cumbersome. But with practice you’ll find each step occurs quickly– the breathing takes longer. It will soon become second nature for you to go through the six steps.
What type of situations are Meta-Moments useful for?
Meta-moments are useful for every situation that triggers a highly energised, unpleasant feeling in you. These feelings fit into the Red zone of the Mood Meter.The list of situations are endless and are obviously not limited to family situations. For this course, I’m focusing on using the Meta-Moment in your parenting but you can use it stressful, unpleasant situations in every area of your life.
If I have a short fuse. Will the Meta-Moment work for me?
People who lose their cool quickly really benefit from using Pro-active Meta-moments. That is, they choose situations where they know they lose it and go through the Meta-Moment process for each. This type of rehearsal helps to lay a platform for more controlled responses when under stress. This preparation should be practised daily so that it can become a permanent part of your life.
How come I always lose my cool in a crisis?
We have all learned ineffective emotion regulation strategies most probably in our childhoods that we repeat over and over when we are in difficult or stressful situations. Do you know anyone who habitually sulks when they feel frustrated or disappointed? Do you know anyone who often acts out, saying hurtful things when they are under pressure? Do you know anyone always belittles themselves when they meet with disappointment? These people have at some time learned ineffective ways to manage their emotions. The sulker is in effect reverting back to an earlier stage of development to manage their frustration or disappointment. The person who acts out directs the attention away from them so they are not required to manage the situation. The person who puts themselves down has found an excuse not to change a situation.
If we’ve learned ineffective emotion regulation strategies then we can also learn healthy ways to manage and regulate our emotions. The Meta-Moment and the many strategies that make up this process are wonderful processes to teach children from a young age.
I always yell. How can I change engrained habits?
The research supports the fact that when the Meta-Moment is practised and internalised it becomes a default mechanism for people to use when they’re under stress. In effect, it becomes hard-wired as a response.
I hear you talk about No Regrets in the Meta-Moment course?
Yes, it’s important to Reinforce the notion of No Regrets with children and young people. That is, some things we say and do can’t be reversed or undone. This makes taking a Meta-Moment critical. Paying attention to triggers and the shifts they make in their thinking, body and behaviour are the first steps to building greater self-awareness to better managing their emotions. But once you do you’ll find that you’ll get a new found confidence that comes from having mastery over your emotions, which will increase your effectiveness in all areas of your life.
You can learn all about this fantastic tool in my new Parent Well with a Meta-Moment Online Course beginning 13th November.
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